By Lafe Tolliver, Esq
Guest Column
At severe personal physical risk to myself and my family and after weeks of anguished reflection and contemplation, I have decided to release a copy of the transcript that I was provided by my sources in the White House regarding one of the un redacted phone calls with Trump and Putin.
As you may know, Putin and Trump have been exchanging surreptitious phone calls regarding the quagmire known as the Russian invasion of the sovereign country of Ukraine. The only means of obtaining such highly sensitive contraband was through the Ras-Blen Telephone Portal system.
For those not familiar with this highly covert recording system, it was developed during the Cold War but when it was supposedly replaced with more advanced digital systems, its “guts” were oddly left intact and it still functions without a trace by normal detection means.
I was an authorized user of that system when I was briefly employed with proper security clearances back in 1999, to both record and then clear all recordings on a weekly basis.
When I left that job to come to Toledo, I just assumed that the system was deemed junk and was permanently disabled. Was I ever wrong!
My former colleagues were able to clandestinely re-route those calls through a system that literally scrambles thousands of calls with bogus calls in order to thwart unwanted ears but yet able to glean transcripts, at will, from conversations with heads of states and the White House.
When the transcripts of those Trump-Putin calls were dropped off at my office mail slot at a time I do not recall, I did a double take because the transcriptions involved could fit on a small thumb drive.
The mailer came to me camouflaged as a box of pretzels and I opened the enclosed flash drive at the library across the street from my office because I did not want my computer to be traced or infected with whatever virus the flash drive could have after all of this time.
For the benefit of my readers, below is a redacted version of one of those telling calls:
Trump: Hey my friend, how is Moscow in the summertime!
Putin: We are used to the heat, what is it that you want Trump?
Trump: Say, I was thinking, I am getting a lot of flak for not supporting Ukraine and I need
To know when do you plan to stop and withdraw back to Russia?
Putin (laughs). Ha! Never. Mother Russia will take back all of her confiscated children that the West took from us.
Trump: Listen Putin, you gotta give me some cover. The press is killing me about the West letting this war continue with no end in sight.
Putin: The war will end when I say so. Nothing more…nothing less.
Trump (long pause): Listen big guy…your body bags are piling up! You need to declare a victory and move on!
Putin (hearty laugh): Ha! We have just began to fight. We will win and run you imperialists out of Ukraine, once and for all!
Trump: Listen, you got 50 days to stop the war or face the consequences and you will not like them!
Putin: Ooooh…I am trembling in my boots at a man that the world leaders are laughing at for your bungling of everything you touch. Spare me the details!
Trump: (sound of slight whimpering). Putin, don’t mess around with me or I will put a hundred percent tariff on all of your exported goods.
Putin: Go ahead. Our foreign markets are strong and so is their need for Russian oil. That is why your papers call you the TACO president! You whiff and waffle and perform for your MAGA base who could not find Ukraine on a map!
Trump: (long pause). Listen Vlad, I need you to show me some respect and withdraw your troops or I will…..
Putin (interrupting) Or you will what?
Trump: I will have my CIA release to the public the details of your assassination attempts
on world leaders.
Putin (laughing hysterically). You release details on forged documents? Go ahead. Be my
guest. Just remember that I have in my secret vault, video films of you on your last trips to my country before you became president; with some pretty interesting takes of you with KGB
female agents at the Branovich Hotel…remember those wild times? Boy, you were a wild and crazy guy as your Steve Martin comedian likes to say!
Trump: (loud coughing sounds, clearing his throat). Listen, we need not go that far. Let’s be
reasonable and talk.
Putin: Sure. This is what you will do. At the end of this 50-day PR campaign, you will find
reasons to extend the time for another fifty days. Am I quite clear, comrade Trump?
Trump: Ok…Ok…It is a deal! Just don’t release those tapes. If you do, the GOP will take a drubbing in the midterms and then you will be sorry because the GOP is and was your only
hope of not bombing Moscow into shreds!
Putin: Ha…very funny Mr. Trump. I think the only shreds that you will see if you do not follow my orders is for you to be the laughingstock of the whole world if they get to see hours of
those “interesting and scandalous tapes.” We got eleven hours of your stellar performances with my lovely and shapely KGB agents!
Trump (very, very long pause): You are a nasty man!
Putin: Oh? Those tapes prove who is nasty! Well, I got to go. Nice talking with you Trump and when you are out of office, come to Moscow and build your Trump Towers Moscow!
Click!
Trump: Hello…hello, is anybody there?
P.S. News just in: Someone just set up a chicken coop on the roof of the White House indicating that the chickens are coming home to roost since Trump is now admitting to his wacko MAGA base that he will disown them if they buy into the Epstein conspiracy! How rich is that from a guy who lived and breathed conspiracies to win the White House!
Contact Lafe Tolliver at tolliver@juno.com