By Lafe Tolliver, Esq
Guest Column
It’s on! In this corner we have the lightweight wannabe presidential hopeful JD Vance, who is a recent convert to the Catholic faith, replete with his eyeliner and faux beard (sporting that uber liberal look!) and, in the other corner, his worthy opponent, Pope Leo, the Chicago born native who now calls Vatican City his home base.
JD Vance, a novice to the Catholic traditions and its ecclesiastical hierarchy, came out punching in the first round of this three round welterweight tussle of privileged Yale frat boy versus a Chicago man of peace.
JD Vance, always trying to appease his handler, Donld Trump, looked nervous as he eyed the titular head of the Catholic Church, unsure or unable to how to throw his first punch.
His opponent, the Pope, serenely smiled at the new convert and stood with his hands showing the signs of peace to all.
Vance, now vainly trying to do a Mohammed Ali shuffle to confuse the pontiff, circled to his right and heard in his ear, his corner man, Trump, yelling, “hit him Vance…hit him!”
The Pope glanced at Trump, smiled and remained motionless.
In round two, Vance told the Pope to stick to matters of morality and stay out of politics and stop criticizing the war efforts of Trump. The Pope responded by saying that he is not
in fear of Trump or his administration and he will continue to speak truth to power and
do and say what the Gospels tells him to do.
At that statement, Vance swallows hard and seemingly forgets all of his catechism classes as to what it means to be a “good” Catholic who is supposed to follow the drum beats of a
different master, Jesus the Christ.
Upon hearing this, Trump, Vance’s foul mouth corner man, calls out that the Pope is
soft on crime and is a prisoner of the far-left lunatics. Never mind that in Vatican City, there
is no crime to speak of but it makes for good theater to say it anyway!
In the third round, the Pope holds out his hand to the sweaty Vance who is still trying to figure out how do you smack down a Pope? In Vance’s corner, his hyperbolic corner man Trump is telling the Pope to stay out of his wars and go somewhere and feed the poor…or something like that.
The Pope tells the deflated Vance that in matters of morality, war is a moral choice and
the aggressors are to be chastised for visiting upon anyone such destruction unless it is a purely defensive war and not a war to fulfill one’s personal ego.
At the end of the three rounds, the referee calls the Pope and Vance to the center of the world’s stage and raises the hand of the Pope as the victor! Vance fumes and runs off the stage with his handler in hot pursuit calling him a coward!
In the post fight press room, the gaggle of reporters finds the Pope smiling and saying to anyone who would listen that the Jesus of the New Testament does not condone wars and does not favor or approve of military muscle threatening to wipe out an entire civilization
due to the capricious whims of a person who sees himself as a king.
When a reporter asks the Pope about the rantings of Pete Hegseth using Old Testament
words of preparing one’s hands for war as a biblical justification for war, the Pope stated that under the new covenant which replaced the old covenant of laws, we are held to a standard of peace and mercy.
Vance, who is listening to the words of the Pope from a distance, realizes that his new found faith in the Catholic Church will usher in an overflowing platter of moral choices he will have to make in order to either appease Trump or to submit to the scriptures of the New Testament. Las Vegas is taking odds that Vance will bend the knee to Trump so as to appease
him and the MAGA base.
Meanwhile, Trump is calling the fight a fix and wants a rematch because everybody knows that Vance won the fight and that the referee was a lunatic member of the Far Left with a low IQ.
In the meantime, in order to compensate for his irrational impulses to make war, Trump is
now threatening to blockade the blockade already in place at the Strait of Hormuz.
Simply put Trump is flailing and looking for an exit whereby he can save face and maintain a veneer that he is still the most powerful person on the planet.
And what better way to do that than to post an AI generated picture on social media X that shows Trump is self portrayed as Jesus who is now a healer to all and he has achieved divinity status!
After all, when Paula White-Cain who is head of the office of “faith” in the White House told everyone (of course said in the presence of Trump) that if you say No to Trump, you are in fact saying No to God. Good ol’ Paula…she loves that idol worship of Trump!
Can’t get much better than that…a trumpian-god in the White House!
Contact Lafe Tolliver at lafe5x@gmail.com