Tolliver to the rescue for Trump!

Lafe Tolliver

Lest it be attributed to me that I am a cold-hearted person regarding the miseries and woes of my fellow man (or woman); and that ice water flows through my veins, I have taken the liberty to assist Trump in his desperate bid to find cash monies to satisfy a nearly half billion dollar bond requirement.

Yes, the Dear Leader needs cash, a lot of cash and he needs it now to avoid the awaiting clutches of  New York State Attorney Letitia James who has said that if Dear Leader does not cough up the bucks, she will be at his front door with the padlock to close his various businesses and freeze his accounts.

For Dear Leader, the mere thought of a Black woman taking command of his assets with her sass and verve is enough to throw him into a mental and emotional panic!

Trump was under the vain delusion that he could avoid all consequences for his many acts of avarice and evil machinations and simply skip away like a newborn lamb in a sun drenched clover field.

Now that Trump is facing the grim reality that facts matter, and the fact of the matter is that he has ripped off the citizens of New York for decades with his phony real estate valuation scams.

Using an old aphorism, Trump has danced to the piper for decades and now the aging piper wants to be paid and paid big time.

As some say, “The gig is up!” and Trump is flummoxed about how he is going to muster up the coinage needed to pay the dinner bill. I mean, after all, he has dined sumptuously for decades on caviar and lobster, fine cheeses, and fatty desserts; and now the restaurant says the party is over, and he must pay his hefty tab of nearly a half billion dollars.

Not having a mean bone in my body, I, with charity aforethought, reached out to the Trump campaign and gave them the following suggestions as to how that cash cow could be fed.

So, dear reader, why don’t you examine my generosity and tell me what you think of these ideas to raise the needed capital.

ONE: Reduce the price of the $499.00 golden sneakers to that of $399.00 and toss in a MAGA red hat to seal the deal. Should be a big seller since Trump has intimated that Black youth simply love sneakers…like French Fries love ketchup!

TWO: Offer plane rides on your commercial jet for $259.99 for a thirty minute

trip. Booking four tickets would be a bargain at $900.00! On the plane ride, you would have your buddy, Rudy Guiliani, croaking out the O’Jays hit song, Money, Money, Money!

THREE:  Make a deal with a local McDonald’s franchisee that you would autograph a Big Mac wrapper for one hundred dollars for anyone who buys five or more. This would be a keeper for those who would later sell them on eBay.

FOUR:  Convince Senator Tim Scott to pose in an 8×10 inch glossy photo with you where he is shining your shoes with a big toothy grin and wearing a red “do rag” on his head. A sure-fire crowd pleaser for White South Carolina voters! At fifty bucks a pop, tens of thousands of this photograph would sell.

FIVE:  Release the unredacted “love letters” that you said Kim Jung Un of North Korea gave to you. If you swooned over them, imagine what Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham would do with those blush causing letters. At $25,000.00 per letter, this is money in da bank!

SIX:  Create an auction by which, to the highest bidder, you will release a secret map that shows the whereabouts of the purloined national security boxes that you secreted at your Westminster golf club. Such an auction will create a windstorm of controversy and bidders. The minimum price would be ten million per box (there are over fifty boxes). Note: Putin would bid in from Moscow on this one!

SEVEN: Release both your college and graduate school transcripts with no redactions. Cost: fifty million. Imagine the public comparing your grades to that of Barak Obama! We would then see who the real genius is!

EIGHT:  Sell the Bible that you held upside down outside of the church in Washington D.C. when you were trying to prevent the crowd from dissing you.

Price: One million or highest bidder.

Well…there you have it. Eight ideas, if done correctly, will raise more than enough cash to cover that pesky bond issue and keep Letitia James on the sidelines.

I done my small part to Make America Great Again and I hope dear reader that you and your friends will pony up some bucks to help avoid Trump being acutely embarrassed by any sale of his goodies. And… tell Rudy to do that plane singing gig, it’s a winner!


Lafe Tolliver, Attorney

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