A Mental Health Moment
By Bernadette Joy Graham, MA, LPCC
Licensed Clinical Mental Health Therapist|
The Truth Contributor
The holidays can hit different when someone you love isn’t here to share them with you. Sugarcoating it is tough. But even when it feels like the weight of grief is too much, there are ways to make it through. Let’s talk about how to handle that pain, lean on the culture that keeps us grounded and why sitting down with non-white therapists might be the game-changer you didn’t know you needed.
Feel Your Feelings—Don’t Bottle It Up
Listen, there is no shame in your pain. If you feel like crying, cry. If you’re mad at the world, that’s valid too. Don’t let anybody hit you with that “be strong” talk. Strong doesn’t mean ignoring how you feel—it’s about letting those emotions come out so they don’t eat you alive. Grief is love that doesn’t know where to go, so let it flow. It is also something that takes work; find a way to learn how to grieve, it won’t happen overnight, time is not going to make it feel less painful. Holding any type of painful emotions or feelings is not good physically, mentally, emotionally and it will begin to bring an individual to decline; relationship issues, parenting, career and it just feel like you are wearing a mask and communicating with others with all the fakeness one can have.
Honor Them in Your Own Way
People of color and those from various cultures know how to keep a legacy alive. The people we’ve lost are never really gone as long as we carry them with us. This season, do something to honor them. Cook their favorite dish, hang their picture by the tree, or play that old-school track they couldn’t stop blasting. It’s your way of saying, “I see you, and I still love you.” Also, check out the African American Legacy Project (AALP) of NW Ohio, a 501 c3 non profit that collects, archives and maintains the history of African Americans that would otherwise be lost. If you really want to honor a lost one, see if their picture is in the archives or any other information. You may also donate something of theirs such as a picture or artifact.
Don’t Go Through It Alone
We’re a community for a reason. If the grief gets too heavy, reach out to your folks. Your family, your church home, sports team or any other organization you may be a part. Check out www.meetup.com (it’s not a dating site)…find them, there is something out there for everyone. Even if it’s just sitting in silence with someone who understands, that connection can remind you that you’re not walking this road by yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Sometimes just saying, “I’m having a rough time,” can open the door to support you didn’t even realize was there. If you feel you have no one, that is another good reason to seek out a therapist.
Take Care of You
Self-care is not selfish. If you need to skip a party or take a break from all the holiday hype, do it. Light a candle, run a bath, or throw on your favorite song, whether it’s songs you shared or remember about those you lost. Music holds a certain vibration that can affect your mood, thoughts and feelings. Protecting your peace is part of healing, and you deserve that, everyone deserves that. Just be very careful in not misdirecting your emotions onto others. Do not spend time with negative or toxic people. You are the only you you have, caring for yourself first will allow you to do a better job in taking care of others.
Therapy is not Taboo – Just find the right therapist for you.
Let’s keep it 100—mental health is real, and therapy is a tool we should all have in our corner. Seek that therapist you feel will understand you better, understand where you’re coming from because they’ve walked some of the same roads. They get the layers of grief, the culture, and the struggles that come with being a person of color – and non white within this world.
Therapy isn’t about somebody “fixing” you—it’s about assisting you with the tools to understand what you’re feeling and helping you move through it. It’s like having a guide who’s trained to help you see the path when things feel too dark. One of the greatest things about therapy is everything you share with the therapist of your choice stays there. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance unless you say you want to hurt yourself or someone else, then it has to be reported.
Find Moments of Joy
Grieving doesn’t mean you can’t laugh or smile. It’s okay to feel good, even if it’s just for a moment. Watch a funny movie, listen to some music that makes you want to dance, or spend time with people who make you feel loved. Your loved one would want you to live—not just survive. If you lack feeling, emotions or moments of joy due to not having someone to share your time, energy and money, you are not alone in this situation. Always know that hurt people don’t always hurt people, more hurt people, help people which is a more pleasing act you will feel deep down in your soul.
You Got This
Take a Mental Health Moment. Do some reflection and check your reality, the holidays will never feel the same, and that’s okay; But with love, community, care, and finding new ways to celebrate (in a positive and a healthy manner) it will buffer some of the pain. Grief is heavy, but it’s not the end of anyone’s story. The people we’ve lost are part of us, and they’d want us to keep shining. Remember, it’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to heal, and it’s okay to ask for help. Take it one day at a time—No one was meant to live on this earth forever.
This season, remember: it’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to heal, and it’s okay to ask for help. Take it one day at a time—No one was meant to live on this earth forever. The world knows that individuals of color have a higher rate of mortality due to anything from violence, suicide, drug overdoses, and health related issues such as diabetes, high blood pressure and many other health challenges. Violence and suicide comes with losing everything and everyone, some individuals you know and some you don’t. Taking a life, even your own is not the way to grieve. So please, as we move toward the end of 2024, also think about how much more healing will take place by the end of 2025. Lastly, being locked up or dead is not a way to maneuver through the holiday pains; it’s only making the new year worse for others and that hurts….let’s all help each other, help it is a great way to begin to heal.
(If you feel you may be in a mental health crisis, please call 988 or go to the nearest emergency room.)
Bernadette Graham is a Licensed Professional Mental Health Therapist in private practice. She also provides educational workshops on matters of grief and mental health as well as conducting groups, and speaking at events. Bernadette has been an advocate within the Mental Health field for over 20 years. You may contact her or complete an intake at the following:
+1 (786) 755-1863
intake+Bernadette25063@growtherapy.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/bernadette-joy-graham-toledo-oh/415500
Maumee location in office – 419 866-8232
Bancroft St. location Toledo – 419 578 2525 or 419 409 4929