By Lafe Tolliver, Esq
Guest Column
There you are. It is Thanksgiving Dinner at your home and the table is lavishly set with all the usual trimmings and festive décor. You got mom’s fabled mac n’ cheese, fresh cranberry compote, homemade potato rolls, sweet potatoes, broiled Brussel sprouts, cornbread dressing with sausage, two turkeys and a sizzling ham studded with cloves and Aunt Mandy’s obligatory Jell-O fruit mold.
All 18 guests are assembled. The football game is playing in the background and then, at the front door, enters Grandpa Berry dressed in overalls and carrying his gallon jug of homemade Moonshine, straight from the hollers of Tennessee.
Grandpa grins and shouts to all, “Hey, hey looka here, Grandpa Berry has brought the cheer!”
Cousins, uncles, nieces and nephews give each other that “look” knowing what is about to happen. Grandpa is about to take the room over with his antics, stories, lies and everyone will dutifully laugh and smile at his quirks and boasting that he has the best brain in the house!
Your dad and mom quickly intervene and tells everyone to take their seats before the blessing and then the “please pass the (insert here whatever is being served)” rituals begin.
Everyone is hoping against hope that Grandpa Berry will take a middle seat at the long table but, no, he deftly claims one of the end seats with a spry move that blocks out his eldest son, Raymond.
No one is surprised because that is what Grandpa Berry does at all the family gatherings…he takes the limelight and with his body language, quietly dares anyone to challenge him.
No one does. Because, truth be known, Grandpa Berry has enough money to buy the county and everyone one in it. Grandpa made a killing in the stock market buying shares of no name stocks; and in a matter of years, his fortunes on paper would cause one’s eyes to go blurry.
Yeah, he was THAT rich and he was one not to let you forget it. Everyone one at that table owed a debt of some sort to Grandpa, be it money to buy a house, scholarships for the kids and grandkids, business loans for start-ups, legal fees paid for the few errant family members; and “secret” payoffs to politicos that now makes them beholden to him.
Grandpa never let you forget who buttered your bread or who caused that zoning ordinance to go away when a family member needed a waiver to set up a franchise near a residential area.
And for his fees? Simple. You support him and never speak evil of the devil.
When Grandpa dumped on you because he believed that you were not supporting his latest endeavors, you smiled and swallowed your pride and keep on stepping, knowing that taking a stand against his inanities would be a losing cause because Grandpa would turn off the financial spigot when you need a loan, or two… and it would not be there.
So, you suffered in silence, as everyone else did and you licked your emotional wounds in private with the others in the extended family that smiled in public but in private railed against the day that Grandpa Berry seemingly went to the dark side and dared you to confront him, or else.
When Grandpa Berry was not around touting his wealth and contacts, you realized the similarities of Grandpa Berry and Donald Trump. Both were narcissists and devoid of any empathy towards anyone; and the slightest criticism could cause you to be “written out of the will.”
You hung in there thinking that things would be better for you or that the family members would rally as one and stand up to grandpa but in your heart of hearts, you knew that was a pipedream.
You went too long being a coward towards grandpa and he smelled the cowardice coming off you like a cheap two-dollar perfume.
You made excuses for grandpa’s erratic behavior including the time that he came onto your property and had three trees cut down because he did not like that they were too close together.
Or the time that he went by the men’s store that he financed for you, and took home, without paying, three Armani suits totaling over $6,000 in value. You did not ask for payment because you were afraid that he would call in the loan he gave you for the store.
What about the time that he called your brother’s wife, Ethel, a “stupid hen” when she forgot to serve the dessert on time. Everyone simply looked down in their laps while grandpa ranted on and on about no-class Ethel.
You would think and wonder aloud, at least by now, that Grandpa Berry has lost a step or two and he needs to be called out for his uncouth remarks and his lack of any empathy for anyone but himself.
It is your perception that his money and how that has allowed himself to be intertwined in all family matters, most of which do not concern him, needs to called out for the good of all.
Be it in politics or in family life, there comes a time when choosing to remain silent when a voice is needed, is cowardness and leads to unhealthy relationships.
That is now going on in America with the influence of the toxicity of Donald Trump and his naysayers who haves forfeited their values for peace at the dinner table and to stay in Trump’s “good graces.”
You know, sometimes getting the turkey leg is no big deal!
Contact Lafe Tolliver at tolliver@juno.com